our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
