i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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