Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
