angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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