I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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