You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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