FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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