I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
