Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize