I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
third nipple confirmed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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