If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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