Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
