god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
