I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everyone says I win the strip club
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
