I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
