Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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