oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
