this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
