ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think my moral compass just broke
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
