i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
