but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
