Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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