Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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