put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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