Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
