Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
