9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize