Yo dont text me then not text me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
