I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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