The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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