he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
