The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
