pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
