drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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