So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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