If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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