I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
