So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
