Cold hands, warm shart.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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