Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
