I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
