she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
