I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
