Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
