WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize