Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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