Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
