He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you didnt know i had herpes?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
