Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
false alarm, still single
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
