I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
