Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
