He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
