if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
