my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
