3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
