Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
