Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
