Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
