don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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