Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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