I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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