Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I party with great urgency now.
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