if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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