I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
