If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize