no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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