i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
