It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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