Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize