Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
