I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Randomize