After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
