You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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