You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
